This is a non coffee post

Today was the first day back at work. For those of you that don’t know. I’m a retail manager. Colorado decided it was okay to start curbside for retail today. My company, I think more for trying to get their people paid again more than the sales, which I applaud them for, decided that they’d open.

My anxiety has been fairly high the past couple weeks as more and more realizations of what life would look like after the initial stay at home order was to be lifted. I’ve always had issues with change and it’s a weakness that has guided some decisions and fears over the years. I also had my first panic attack about 5 years ago due to being in a crowd. I’ve learned deep breathing techniques and I mentally prepare myself on my way to something that there will be crowds. It works 98% of the time. It’s also left me open for other kinds of panic attacks too. I’ve broken down a few times in the past few weeks and definitely over the weekend as I tried to prepare myself.

That brings me to today… I cried waking up and again as I put on my shoes to head to the car. I was tense driving to work… definitely not an ideal situation as a driver… however my mom and I prayed over the phone on my drive and I was okayish. Got to work and broke down in hysterics in the car as I saw another employee walk in because I had mentally prepared for just 2 people in the store not 3. I put on my mask and went in. I calmed down over an hour in. My hunched shoulders and internal emotions never went away. I silently panicked… couldn’t breathe and was beyond hot from claustrophobia a few times in my day. There was one conversation with my boss that it felt like ‘the old days’ but that was fleeting as he was fidgeting with his own mask.

We sanitize the store 4 times in the 8 hours we’re open one of many new procedures. All of which are neccessary for less contamination and for staff piece of mind.

We had a few curbside guests today. All of whom were polite.

Upon getting home I did immediately put my clothes and mask in the washer. I then hoped in the shower where I bawled and let the water just take away the sense of not being clean. I’m emotionally and physically drained and after being home for over 3 hours I still feel the mask on my face…more so even.

I’m writing this not for you to feel sorry for me but realize that there might be people in your life who also are struggling with what this new reality, new days look like. Or maybe you are trying to figure out what it looks like as you prepare to go back to work yourself. This is our new normal for awhile. We won’t see or be exposed to the virus as much as the other industries that have been open throughout the span of the virus, but we still have that anxiety and fear of the public and who might be sick and discomfort of donning a new attire as we start back into work.

I’ve been wearing a mask for any errands but the wearing for hours on end like today caused more panic and ache than I was prepared for. My employer is requiring masks constantly and gloves too. I took off my engagement ring this morning before I left knowing that it would poke through the gloves… something I learned the week before the store shutdown… also another cause for sadness.

We are all going to have different levels of okay. For some, masks might not bother them, others it might cause panic. Each one of us is going to find where our comfort level is. For some it might mean a career switch, for others it might be continuing to remote work even after their office opens back up.

I’m not sure how I’m going to find the strength for tomorrow or the day after that and maybe I won’t and that’s okay too… and maybe what I’m learning is it’s okay not to be ready.

Ok, that’s it for today… more a diary post than anything else.

Love to all of you

Great mornings start with music and coffee. Or at least they should.

This morning I was a little sad face. Worry of what the next week looks like as I go back to work and if my anxiety will calm after being back.

So anyway, my loving husband decided that if I dance it will make my worry go away… which brings me to my first song. (He made one up) but then I started singing Fraggle Rock. “Dance your cares away, worries for another day…”

My second song this morning did accompany my first delicious cup… Jason Walsmith of The Nada’s did Whisper. He has been doing a morning song each day since the pandemic started. I watch them each day… makes life seem less worrisome and brings smiles with my coffee.

My next music and coffee stylings this morning is the Carbon Leaf station on Pandora.

Today I’m letting music drive my day, along with coffee of course… because we all know coffee does most the driving for me.

Happy Coffees My Loves and Enjoy Some Music

… and mid-day coffees.

Today brings a new approach to high school at home learning as there has been some difficulty getting things turned in. Mostly just from a laziness standpoint. So today checks and balances in place for her and I and hubby. Procrastination is one thing but when it turns into not done at all… mom and dad step back in.

Today I get to play with different color pens to help see at a glance since her planner has disappeared somewhere in the teen mess. Plus, we (hubby and I) decided that we needed a tracking for us since teachers have things posted in several places so there’s not an easy spot to see all assignments and due dates.

After some teenage grrr last night things have cooled and hopefully she’ll get back on track. Also, reiterating several times that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed but that’s when you ask for help rather than just not doing. Especially now. We all are handling the stress and emotions of the world and life differently add in trying to learn and do school too… that sucks. I get it. I think the schools have done a good job tailoring down the expectations but there is still some.

Now we’re off for a walk since she needs to do a map my run/walk for her conditioning and fitness class.

Happy Mid-Day Cups

Today’s tired coffee thought… is there anyone who looks cute yawning?

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If there is I am not one of them. I took a few pictures, I will not post… kinda scared myself. This morning I’ve had more yawns than normal… hence me trying to capture in pictures. I’m still very tired.

Second cup in and the caffeine boost isn’t quite doing the trick today. Oh well, still tastes and smells amazing.

I’m trying to convince myself to make happy tasty breakfast. It’s an oatmeal, banana, berry bake. Something all 3 of us like, that’s a rare thing. I made it last week… it’s taste bud happy.

With that being said I think my yawns have subsided enough. Off to make tasty happen and to drink more of the bean juice that will eventually give all the energy or at least keep me semi moving… maybe.

Bonus pictures… Ash and I took a drive yesterday, Scott and I howled at 8 with our neighborhood, and we had wine with dinner. Not pictured… Ash and I made brownies, and we looked for meteors.

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Happy Coffee Musings My Friends

On spring mornings when the sun is shining and it’s not too hot and not too cold. I love sitting outside and enjoying nature’s sounds and getting in some wonderful sunrays with my coffee.

Days like these make me wish I had a second livingroom outdoors. Maybe Someday. This year’s house fixes do have to do with outdoors… fix sprinkler system, some landscaping and maybe sanding and sealing the deck again.

But today I’m thankful for a chair and a table.

Happy Noonish Cups My Friends

This morning I started my post, deleted, rewrote, deleted again… repeat several times and then gave up.

After going downstairs to watch a show my subconscious decided to renew my spirit. Instead of curling up and moping which is what my intent had been. I folded all the laundry and picked up the livingroom as I drank my coffee this morning. By the time I had all loads folded and hung my spirit was renewed.

Sometimes you need a Redo to your day. New mug and fresh cup of coffee and life feels lighter and happier.

Happy Afternoon Cups

Woke up extremely late. I and the husband finally slept in after yesterday’s wakeup by the woodpecker at the crack of sunlight this mornings sleep was welcomed.

First cup… at 11ish… still very groggy. But after first cup I decided on a shower and then a walk. I tried to convince the kid to join me to no avail but the husband did. Nice walk around the neighborhood with of course more coffee.

We came across lots of doggos who were doing a great job guarding their yard. I told them so too. Scott and I had a great time talking and sipping from our travel cups. I forget how nice it is to just walk around and enjoy our neighborhood.

So now it’s afternoon coffee time (okay, we all know it’s coffee time anytime for me) before the extended family zoom call. Which living so far from my family having these each week is more than I’ve seen them in several years. I guess you could say this virus has actually brought us closer together.

Happy Afternoon Cups my friends

In my own little corner
In my own little chair
I can be whatever I want to be
On the wing of my fancy
I can fly anywhere
And the world will open its arms to me… an excerpt from Roger’s and Hammerstein’s Cinderella

A beautiful sentiment about reading and how it can truly take you anywhere and escape. Today my coffee lovers… I encourage you to escape. Most of us have seen the same surroundings within our houses for some time now so grab a book and a cuppa coffee and find your own little corner and explore the richness of the world that the author has laid out for you.

Where are are you going today? Me… New York… the Broadway scene.

Happy Explorations… don’t forget to take your Coffee.

Today’s 3rdish cup (It’s a big cup… so I’ve had to refresh it… don’t judge) accompanies a new book. I have such anticipation when starting a new book. Especially after still being tied to my last book and characters. Most the time I end up getting lost in what I read.

I also love paper books. The smell of ink and paper. The way the weight of the book is almost a comfort in my hands. The sound of the page as I get the next page ready so I don’t lose a beat in the story. How it feels on my fingers. Ok, I may have a love affair with books… ssh, don’t tell my coffee. I tried having a kindle when it first came out and then the app on my phone later. I do like the convenience but something about having the the physical book in my hands is comfort.

Sometimes though there’s a book I have issues getting drawn into the story and then I stop. I wish I could say that I pick up another book but I have a quirk about needing to finish. So, my love of reading gets pushed to the side and life gets in the way depending on how easily I get into the book. Sad, I know. But I always come back and find that love again. Ok, maybe coffee doesn’t need to worry… my love for it never goes away or wanes.

So today, as I start a new venture now with my 4ish (okay, you know what… this cup is big) cup I’m going to have fun delving into a new setting and characters.

Happy 4thish cups and happy reads…

Side note… it’s taken about 2 hours to write this. Had phone conversations with my mom, my boss and my husband this morning so I might not actually start book and then no pictures because WordPress is having issues uploading… finally added a picture this afternoon.

Remember how I said Shadow likes her morning sun? After a conversation with her at the deck doors about how no she wasn’t going out in the snow. I went downstairs and did my morning routine (wash face, put in eyeballs, brush teeth). I came back upstairs and got settled into my morning reading spot. 1 chair to sit in and 1 for my feet and a cozy blanket. I was nice and had a good amount of blanket on the floor for the cat so she could be comfy and look outside. She had something different in mind. So now I have my feet half off the chair and she’s leaning on them.

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This is what happens when our household rule is ‘don’t disturb the cat.’ In all honesty I love my morning coffee companion. Most of the time she curls up like today minus the stealing of my chair and lets me read. Other times we talk to eachother… more a conversation of do you want inside or outside as she meows at the door.

I hope your morning coffee is filled with some coziness and maybe some conversation too… pet or human.

Happy first cups my friends