Yesterday was Ashlynn’s first day of Senior Year.
It seems like forever ago and yesterday that we walked her to her first day of kindergarten. How can we be here already? I have so many first days in my head… so many images that play. Where did the time go? How can my spunky, crazy girlie be a Senior?
As I pour and reminisce through the pictures in my head (and Google photos) I replay moments. Moments of her laughs, giggles and tears. Moments of achievements and failures. I remember how much she loved being at school. How much she loved learning and helping others learn. She had a passion for helping others. I thought she was a natural teacher and imagined her teaching elementary kids when she was an adult. I also remember when life started pulling her away from those passions.
She’s had a tempestuous last few years. A crap teacher that made her second guess everything she wanted, injuries and unexplained joint pain, a school administration not caring, a total lack of motivation, and then a pandemic year. Yeah. We’ve been tense as a family as we have tried to navigate the stormy waters together and apart and many variations of the above trying to help her through.
We’ve fought… a lot. It’s hard to see your kid struggle. It’s hard to watch as your kid had dreams of an ivy league school at the start of high school to then almost fail out of school by her Junior year. It’s hard to not see the little girl who loved learning as I look into those same eyes. I’ve learned (ok still learning) that I can’t compare that little girl to the almost adult she is now. Because they are not the same person… and that’s okay.
She is strong minded, stubborn and fiercely independent. She is tougher on herself than she needs to be which is infuriating to watch. When she puts her mind to it she will do it (good or bad). She is also caring and loving. She is learning in her own way how to navigate waters on her own. How to float, how to swim, how to sink and how to glide. Which as a mom is the goal.
She came home from her first day yesterday with a play by play and a little excitement telling us about her day and her classes and her new counselor. It gave me hope to see that sparkle in her eyes. My hope for her Senior year is that she finds joy in something again… a passion that keeps her going and motivated. I will continue to be her cheerleader and her coach this year. Cheering and guiding on the sidelines. Watching her become the woman she is destined to be.
Here’s to sentimental moments and first days…
As always, happy first (ok 4th) cup☕