I often think about perspectives. How a word, conversation or an event has impact on our lives. More so is how the people involved perceive the situation.
I’ve had a few interactions the past few weeks that have given me pause. A realization that perception really is everything. It’s the basis of how we communicate, how we react, how we look at our life both past, present and future.
Starting a new year has me reflecting back over the course of this past year. It has seemed longer than other years. My perception of time changed in the course of the year. Where the moments/events that transpired warped the fabric of time. I can’t tell you when in the year this happened. Maybe it’s the momentous events or all the mini ones that changed my version of time. I can also tell you that some events went too fast compared to others.
One of those moments: My girlie graduating high school. The months/days leading to graduation had worry as I watched my girl still falter to find her footing navigating the ever present affects of pandemic learning, overcoming challenges of physical ailments/injury plus add in her loss of the love of learning which turned into procrastination or just non-finisher of work.
I spent the 2 months leading up to graduation creating, crafting and planning her graduation party and gifts. Painting signs, buckets, chalkboards and scrapbooking. Then revising and planning again the week and day of as a winter storm dumped snow and had us shift an outdoor party to indoors and then even needing to host her party with no electricity inside. It was definitely a couple of memorable days in more ways than one.
It was her graduation itself that felt too fast and all I wanted to do was freeze time. Savor each second as she walked across the stage in her crimson and white and her glimmery cap. Her only rebellious act against her school. They were told not to decorate their caps. (She was the only one who did so of her almost 500 classmates). That moment blurs in my mind as I fumbled with my phone to get video/photos and still failed to capture (Thank goodness for family who did). And then it was over. There she was… a graduate. The emotions poured and my mom pride glowed.
Maybe it’s this moment when the year became longer. As I had 18 years of memories flash in my head of my snuggle/lovebug baby girl, then my eager little girl who was so excited to start elementary school, then my independent tween starting middle school and my brave girlie who was such a bright brilliant light starting high school whose light dimmed and almost went out towards the end of school. Maybe it’s reliving all those memories in that moment that warped my concept of time. My heart is still filled with love & pride from that day. One day I hope she’ll read the books and the inscriptions I wrote in the covers and understand how awestruck I am by her.
There were so many other moments and events that changed my views of time. From parental shifts (navigating parenting an adult is hard especially when they’re still living with you) to martial shifts (our married life has been focused on our kid for so long and now we’re focusing more on us). To job changes for all of us (after a 2 year hiatus I started a new job/chapter of my life) to suffering brain fog from covid (5 months later and my brain still has issues remembering/processing and takes longer doing things). To spending a few weeks out of state helping a family member after surgery to car repairs for both our cars. To a close friend’s cold, snowy outdoor Febuary wedding (love you Caleb) to a former co-workers funeral to 2 different friends babies being born. To FanExpo, parties, hockey watch parties and a Stanley Cup Win, BBQ’s, movie nights, game nights and concerts. Both happy and challenging times having an impact on my perception of time. The year wasn’t a bad year nor was it an amazing year… just, well… long.
I’ve also realized how much the pandemic has impacted my thinking and my ability to be social. I don’t live in fear by any means but my internal checklist of possibilities in situations has an extra box to check. The pandemic has also given me more of an excuse to seclude myself in my introvert bubble and made it more tiring when I am social. Needing more time to prepare for social interaction and more down time to recover. Sometimes causing me to not want to be social at all because of the wear it has on my mind and body. It’s this piece that my inner voice struggles with especially when I have struggled my entire life being awkward in social settings and making it harder for me to have close friends. My introverted self perceives situations differently.
So what does that mean for this year? In all honesty… I don’t know. My hope is this year I take more time to listen to myself and realize that each moment is a gift… good or bad. That each moment gives me more chances to gain perspective… to learn, to grow. My hope is that I can learn other perspectives, by listening to not just myself but others. I hope this year gives me more opportunity to warp the constructs of time… savoring moments… savoring a life lived.
Here’s to more moments, different perspectives and living a Life Less Ordinary for 2023.
Cheers and happy first/last cups ♥️☕♥️