Focusing on writing is tougher than I thought it would be, even focusing on taking a photo a day seems to be trickier than I had expected. Oy, I truly miss the old Corrine… can I get a refund on this MS thing? Really though, I feel quite lucky that my symptoms are not horrid… as I know many are struggling much more than me. I continue to feel like my biggest obstacle is the fatigue and the brain fog and focus.
I may not be doing a post or picture a day like I originally planned but I’m also not giving up. Because I totally got this and as my sister says… I can do big things… or small things. So here’s the last few days.
March 28
Reminder to give myself kudos, even on the rougher days. Friday was tough. My whole body was exhausted and in pain. A combination of feeling like I was going non-stop and from my menstrual cycle making me want to die. Besides those feelings I still accomplished most of our laundry from the past week and a shower. A had a mini mental breakdown realizing there was not a possibility that my body would allow me to go to the Denverse spring issue release with Scott. I also knew that if I went to the magazine release that I then wouldn’t make it to book club the next day… and that was more important to me. The constant struggle of doing fun things or listening to my body and resting. I instead spent most my day and night curled in various positions on the couch zoning out to tv shows. Currently I am rewatching JAG.
March 29
I had issues sleeping the night before. I may not have gone to the event with Scott but I was still very much awake when he got home after midnight. The lack of sleep seems to be a pattern again and the average sleeping time is less than 5 hours. But, I woke with wanting to get some things done.
One of the main things… a menu and grocery list. You can see the start of a menu and the start of our grocery list below including the crossed out start of a menu from the week before. We haven’t had a menu or even have bought groceries since before Scott’s birthday. Our fridge has been oddly bare and we’ve been relying on frozen food or eating out for all our meals.. which is totally not our norm. We love cooking and having mostly balanced meals. So, Saturday morning Scott and I spent a bit hashing out our menu and grocery list. Ashlynn had requested a big batch of gravy so she had some breakfasts for the week and since breakfast for dinner is tasty we decided to start our week with that. This week we’re still digging in more to comfort food… as our brains are elsewhere but I’m hopeful with salads back in the rotation for lunches we’ll get back to our more healthy food options.
It was so nice to be back at book club… not that I read anything as sometimes is the case for a lot of us… but it was good to see everyone. And the coffee/plant store we were at was super cute! From an inside greenhouse and plants everywhere to swings to sit and sip your coffee to a fascinating rotating letter marquee. I was able to catch up with Jessica and give the hugs. Plus then have many laughs about Petey (the venus flytrap that Sara and Sam bought while there).
This kitty fishing was so darn cute! I didn’t get a full photo but at the end of the fishing line was an origami fish folded out of money that was being pulled out of their tip jar. Also, barista art is one of my favorite things. And this cute heart cactus spinning… ahhh… so cute!
After book club we headed more North to my mother-in-laws. I keep catching myself asking how she is doing. I am not sure there is an answer to that question and never experiencing that kind of loss I realize that the things I can do is be there and listen to the stories she has of Roy and show her love. We did a few things around her house she needed help with and then went and got us all food… there’s a Tamale Kitchen just a few blocks away. We have been making sure her supply of Mexican food has been abundant the past few days… Ashlynn had brought her Santiago’s on Friday and Sam had brought up green chile and burrito makings earlier in the week.
Then Scott and I headed back down South and to the grocery store. It’s nice to have a stocked fridge and fresh veggies and fruit again. My spoon/fatigue level had been almost gone but I am so glad we went to the store! That way we both could rest the next day. After getting groceries put away I curled into a blanket nest (thanks Bee for this amazing term) on the couch with candles lit and doors/windows open so I could hear the steady sounds of rain and the delicious smell of the rain and occasional snow flakes and that nice chill in the air felt wonderful as I watched my movie.
March 30
My planned day of not doing much. Although I felt pressure to pick up slightly, vacuum and take a shower before Bee came over at 11. I’m slowly getting better about the appearance of the house and it not needing to be perfect when we have someone over but the toilets clean, floors clean thing doesn’t go away easy. Plus, it gave me the push I needed to shower… if I don’t shower in the morning when my energy is not yet severely depleted I find that it’s then too hard take one later in the day.
So, I may have started my morning at the table but that didn’t last long. After my shower I retreated to the couch with candles going and window open… embracing the cold, wet vibes from the outside as I planned Rex Manning Day and shopped online while starting to write this blog post. The brain as it is most days seemed scattered but I still was able to get most of the party planned then rested until making our biscuits and gravy for dinner.
March 31
Sleep was semi-elusive again and my body definitely wanted more sleep as I had prolonged getting out of bed and telling my body just a few more minutes but the urge to go potty had then turned to necessity. I sat at the table finishing the plans and buying the chosen things for Rex Manning Day and then making a Facebook event. And because today was also a day of not much planned I finally got around to reposting the MS Walk information on Facebook. The level of fatigue it takes to do posts or interact with anything or anyone online is overwhelming. I think that’s why I’ve not shared or posted more about the walk in the past few weeks to friends and family because the task just seemed so hard. A lot of things feel that way. I joke about finding it hard to brush teeth somedays… but that is true. It is… even the thought of doing something makes me want to just lay down and sleep/not sleep instead. Oy.
Anyway, so here I am… I have been on the computer most the day… first at the table and then in various positions on the couch writing this post that also felt oh so daunting. But I am loving being back to doing my ramblings. It’s still mostly journalesque in writing but that doesn’t matter, what matters is I’m still doing it. I do however need to wrap this up… after saying showers later in the day are hard… I need to take a shower… since we have dinner plans with friends across town.
So for now… enjoy whichever cups ☕️… and remember to give yourself peace and grace.