Ah, spa day! It’s Valentine’s Weekend so naturally I figured I’d give myself a spa day… kindof. Remember last week when I said I may have a small sliver of glass in my foot? Yeah, still there. My trusty black salve helped but I still couldn’t get it out.
I’m on Day 2 of soaking my feet in the footspa with epsom salt. I’m doing it twice a day… and it’s getting closer to the surface, still can’tfind it with the tweezers though.
The plus side is my feet feel very smooth… the tops. The bottom of my feet… well, I still have a ton of calluses (walking barefoot most my life does that). But they definitely feel smoother than they have in a awhile.
So, here I am chilling with my coffee and feet soaking… watching a movie. My living room smells relaxing from the epsom soak mixed with the smell of my coffee.
I’m thinking I should paint my toes too since my feet are soft. Maybe I should wait until I don’t need to soak my feet twice a day though.
Happy Friday Cups my Friends. What are you going to do to treat yourself this Valentine’s Weekend?
After getting back into the flow of writing last week I slacked over the weekend… kindof… I accomplished things… just not writing.
I’ve had a few days of enjoying and or holding my cup.
Saturday I was able to meet up with a friend for coffee and fun conversation even if the wind was cold. And we have plans for craftiness soon. Yay!Plus she introduced me to a coffee place I had been meaning to try. Thanks Jessica! I was able to grab some goodies for Valentine’s Day while I was there too.
Sunday, after not good (and short) sleep I was zombie like with my cup for some of the morning before Scott and I settled to watch a show early afternoon. I had fleeting thoughts of making a creation for Caleb’s birthday greeting but Zombie Rini wasn’t having it. The intent was there… now I feel I owe Caleb coffee. I was able to hop on my family zoom call and glad I did as I miss my extended family tons and was able to spend some time texting a cousin. Scott and I spent the evening with wonderful friends “watching” the super bowl. Thanks Dan and Jen!
Yesterday also brought a Zombie Rini and a cup that I never could finish. I emptied and poured coffee several times with a fresh cup. By afternoon Zombie Rini was gone and Ashlynn and I had a nice late lunch at Panera where we aren’t just mother/daughter but also think alike… we ordered the exact same thing.
I started tackling my long list of projects and craft ideas. I sorted through photos for the frames in the diningroom and reminisced of times past. Yesterday was also my sister’s birthday… Happy Birthday Kelli! My brother-in-law had put together a birthday video… this was our little exert from it.
Now today… coffee forgotten a few times as I’m busy doing some online shopping and cleaning. Sometimes my coffee feels neglected.
Sometimes coffee is interrupted by the ramblings in my brain and consequently me acting on such things. Hence this morning.
So it’s now just after 11 and I think I’ve probably finished maybe a cup and a half (I refill when I’m around the coffee pot).
And now I’m going to sit and folds all the laundry and drinks all the coffee. Unless my brain goes on down another rabbit hole and I do other random things (I wouldn’t mind not folding the laundry).
Yep, and then I’ll reward myself by doing crafty things later.
Today’s coffee gets my fun cup about friends. I’ve had it since high school and still love the sentiment.
Today I got to celebrate one of my besties. My coffee loving and yoga motivator friend. Unfortunately no selfies, as our coffee date was cut short as his work pulled him away.
(Selfie from last summer)
I’m very grateful that this hippie drummer hired me way back when. Who would have known then that my boss would become one of my best friends a little later in life. And because of that hire I’d find friends and because of those friends I’d meet my husband. Life is funny that way.
Happy Birthday Chris (a little early)
Happy afternoon cups my friends and reach out to a friend to have a cup with… Because friends are like donuts… ?☕
Ever hurt yourself and someone tells you something like, ‘I can punch you and then it won’t hurt as bad.’ Or something to that effect. Never meant as a serious thing and just a saying, right? Ha, ok… here’s my anecdote.
Last night while cooking dinner I felt something dig into my foot. I’m guessing it’s a piece of glass. The closest I can guess is that I had broken a Christmas goblet candle holder while packing the last of Christmas dishes a couple weeks ago. I tried to salvage it by supergluing it back together. Maybe there was a sliver that made it on the floor… and maybe that sliver evaded the broom, dustpan and vacuum which have all been done several times since. After trying to dig it out with tweezers I opted for black salve and a bandaid and went back to finishing dinner… limping, trying not to step on that part of the foot.
I finished up dinner and as I was getting the broccoli and cheese stuffed chicken out of the oven the baking sheet tipped and fell and got stuck between the door and the oven. Still have no clue how that happened. Trying to salvage dinner and get the pan unstuck I grabbed the baking sheet with my gloved hand and grabbed the other side with my ungloved hand. I became British as I burned two of my fingers. Scott comes running knowing something is wrong because I only yell like a Brit when I really hurt myself. So he salvaged the chicken while I nursed my burns. I ate dinner with my fingers on an ice pack.
The rest of the night I kept my fingers on ice but completely forgot about my foot.
This morning a new day and my fingers have nice burn lines on them but don’t hurt but you know what does… yep, my foot. I was going to hang up some things in my office today maybe I’ll swing and hit my thumb with the hammer. Just kidding (maybe)
Moral of the story… I don’t got one… just some amusement for your morning.
It’s been 6 months or more since I took out my mat. I’ve thought about it several times. Last week, I finally took it out. I started my favorite video and found it surprisingly easy to center and calm myself in the deep breathing. My video starts with 5 mintues of centering mind and body. The rest of the video kicked my butt and I had to modify most poses (I was expecting that). Then because I wanted to show myself I could I proceeded my 25 minute yoga video with a 30 minute dance video. I was sweaty. It felt awesome. The next day brought me lots of shaking off the rust pain. I did take out my mat but knew better than to try and do a video and did loving body stretches instead. The next day I got my mat out and did my video… modifications are my friend and will be for months to come. I was happy that even after some mental hiccups that morning I still came back to the mat.
Day 1
Day 3
Day 2 stretches
So this is where I have a habit… my body rebels. Timing has never been my friend. Having a teenage girl in the house means my monthly cycle can sometimes be way off. I thought I had 2 more weeks to form a routine before resting a week. Ha, nope. So I have been mostly immobile for the past few days. When my cycle is early or late it also tends to be more painful and knocks me down more than it already does. Thankfully I can take time and be nice to my body. Heat, weight and motrin. Sometimes also a husband who pushes a hand into my lower back to relieve some pain.
Today I’m starting to feel like I’m on the other side. I’m eyeing my mat in the corner and wanting to get back to it. Patience. I need to wait another day or 2 so I don’t hurt myself.
Today I’m Celebrating the Small Victories. I am eager to start practicing yoga again. I may have only had 2 (3ish) days of yoga but my mind is ready as soon as my body says it’s okay. I’ve learned that I need to listen to what my body is telling me. I know my journey is long and I will falter and that’s okay.
So here’s to listening to the beat of my own body.
Yesterday’s events had both Scott and I glued to the TV until early this morning, (I fell asleep sometime during the arguing in the house about Pennsylvania). So today has me sluggish, still sad and angry but optimistic that the majority of our senators and representatives respect democracy and the voice of the nation. Something I personally needed to see… not just from what unfolded yesterday but from the past few years.
I wrote last Fall about a nation divided… and unfortunately what we witnessed yesterday has us all realizing just how divided we still are. I saw it in my Facebook feed… friends and loved ones angry and appalled on both sides. I saw others still trying to see the good in the President and unfortunately still spouting his lies.
I’m saddened at where this country has turned. Saddened about a President who doesn’t hold his office with respect. This isn’t just about democrat vs republican, this isn’t just about race or gender, or black lives and blue lives, this isn’t just about religion, this isn’t just about a virus. It’s all of it. You can’t keep thinking it’s one cause… it’s so many.
How do we move forward? Seeing democracy continue last night was a start. I know that I can listen, learn, respect and love. I’m not an expert and never pretend to be but those things seem to be a next step.
It’s no secret that I’m an introvert. The beginning of the pandemic was a nice reprieve for me. No constantly needing to talk to people and make them my friend while in the store and the tiredness that happened after getting home. Being able to take time without people…I was in heaven. I was home. I was reading, doing puzzles, baking, cooking, watching movies and looking after my family all with coffee in hand. It was wonderful.
Sure, as time started to drift on I missed shopping, I missed friends and oh boy did I miss concerts. But it was okay, I was okay. I was never good at the reaching out to people even close friends let alone acquaintances. My fear of no one actually liking me kicking in and why would they… I’m quiet in conversation. That thinking is a dangerous spiral for me and has and can cause some anxiety and fear.
In May when I went back to work I realized that the pandemic had taken its toll on me. The fear of catching covid and the potential of giving it to any of my loved ones and the claustrophobia of mask and glove wearing day in and day out with no sign of reprieve had me in tears and had my body shaking. The 20 years of retail had done it’s toll too. So with Scott reassuring me that we’d financially be okay I left the workforce. Not forever, just for now. And time to give my next career some thought.
The summer brought me wanting to reach out to people… I tried in vain some days… as now I wasn’t working but others were and plus a pandemic had us all scared of doing anything. So I stayed mostly sheltered and stopped reaching out and since people weren’t reaching out to me that must mean they don’t like me… told you can cause some mental blockage.
Not working this Fall has given me the time to focus on helping my teen navigate her Junior year amidst a pandemic. Which is several blog posts in itself. It isn’t easy for a strong willed teen and this passive mom. It isn’t easy when the strong willed teen loses all sense of motivation and can’t get passing grades. It isn’t easy when mom and teen butt heads each day causing tears on each side. When the lies and excuses mount and deciphering where lies end and truth begins is a full time job. It’s also hard on my psyche when I’m already feeling dejected and alone. What I’ve learned is plan. Have a planner… map out assignments and have twice daily check-ins. Plus read through each completed assignment… the turning in of non existing work needs to stop. I’ve also learned she will soar and fail in her own way. Mom can only help guide what she wants me to help with. Sorry, as I said many posts could be written (or have been started many times) about our struggle with school.
When not feeling overwhelmed by my inability to help my teen with school I occupied myself in redecorating and refurbishing different parts of the house and have fleeting thoughts of being a decorator… maybe… starting with friends and family. I like finding new things and imagining where it would fit in the house or space.
My reading and baking went on the wayside for awhile as I felt baking wasn’t as fun and added more calories into our lives (by this point I’d gained 15 pounds since March). Which also didn’t help my self esteem because if I did see an old friend I imagined their thoughts about my weight. Mentally my thoughts weren’t in a good place and that’s hard to overcome. What I’m learning: I don’t like my weight where it is but I’m not doing anything to change it at the moment. So instead of trying to fit into the jeans and feeling sad that I didn’t. I bought a bigger size. It’s not me giving in to being heavier. It’s me realizing this is where I am at the moment and it’s okay. I will get back to yoga or dance at some point but right now I need to feel better about me and that’s having clothes that fit. Which also makes me not as self conscious when I see friends.
I’ve also learned I’m not an online concert person. I tried and did enjoy at the beginning of the year but as the year went on it just reminded me of the things we can’t do… and of times past. Of singing all together… the atmosphere, the energy and of friends. So instead of making me feel alive it was making me feel more sad, more alone and more depressed. A prerecorded concert… that was doable since it wasn’t meant to be live. The theater productions have been pretty awesome too. Mostly because for the theater buff that I am I was maybe lucky to see a show a year so I’ve gotten more this year than most.
I’ve also learned that I don’t like trying to be social through online platforms. I can’t stand having a camera on me. Plus the need to try and hold conversation… which I’m not good at anyway. I’m the person who sits quiet and listens and maybe pipes in occasionally… that introvert side. Plus with lag of internet connections I get overwhelmed and annoyed. It also reminds me further of the lack of togetherness. So I choose not to do those types of things and seclude myself further.
What I need to get better at… cultivating friendships. Yes, I’m horrible at reaching out and then have a hard time with responses of yes, let’s grab coffee soon(I give that response too). But then time goes on and we don’t. So, I’m going to get better at continuing to reach out… step outside that wall I’ve created.
I need to get better at my self worth. It’s hard to not see each fault, each flaw and each shortcoming as a mom, wife, daughter and friend and mold that into who I am… I am more than that. Maybe this year I’ll listen to that. I am more.
With love… I miss you… till coffee can be shared again…
